a shout into the void

Watching this novel's film adaptation before reading it did nothing to diminish the poignancy of its story and clever writing style. Granted, I did watch the movie while recovering from my wisdom teeth removal, so my emotions and tears were escalated. But all of that to say -- everything about this book, its characters, and the way they view themselves in the world pulls on my innermost heartstrings. A few times I thought, "Would teenagers actually talk and think the way these teenagers do?" which I tend to do with a lot of fiction. But I thought more about my answer and came to the conclusion that a pair of young lovers aware of their borrowed but sweet time together would be pretty philosophical about their existences and chances of meeting one another in the place and time that they did. I just adore Augustus' wit; I don't blame Hazel for falling for him one bit. I don't see how any girl could completely resist charm like that. And Augustus pairs charm with fierce loyalty and desire to be something before ceasing to be. This is one of the most prominent subjects the two of them get into squabbles over -- how to define a worthy life based on the accomplishments one is able to achieve. I love how this book doesn't allow its reader to sit passively by. It rather forces readers to confront the reality of Hazel's degenerating lungs and growing love for a boy who seems like he'll outlive her until he doesn't. The story is so well written in the way the tables turn so suddenly after Hazel and Augustus' trip to Amsterdam. The clues of Augustus' weakened state were there but kept expertly subtle because of readers' perspective being limited to Hazel and her existential dread of leaving those she loves behind with insurmountable grief. I think, among many other things, this book showcases what it means to embrace the utter absurdity of our lifespans with the most valiant attitude possible. It leaves space for readers to resonate with Augustus' goal of making some sort of lasting impact as well as space for readers to see themselves in Hazel's values, fears, and aspirations. In the end, we see Augustus come to a point of realization that I think we can all take to heart: your life does have purpose and worth because of the people you have the privilege of meeting and loving and existing with. Augustus had Hazel and Hazel had Augustus and it hurts every part of my heart to think of the future they could've had, but it also makes me grateful for the people I've gotten to say, "I love you" to time and time again. This story is a heartbreaking ode to the very human and very painful realities of things like cancer, death, and loss and how we can choose to approach them. I'm glad this story exists. I hope it continues to uplift those who can relate to Hazel's and Augustus' situations and those who can appreciate them for their empathetic and thoughtful qualities. 

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Some of my favorite quotes from The Fault in Our Stars:

"'God, you're the best,' I told him.
'I bet you say that to all the boys who finance your international travel,' he answered."

"'I'm in love with you,' he said quietly.
'Augustus,' I said.
'I am,' he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. 'I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the habit of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.'" 

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