far from my suburban childhood

*SPOILERS AHEAD!*



A BookTok video I saw described the premise of this debut novel to be centered around a recent high school graduate and native New Yorker wanting to lose her virginity before leaving for college in the fall. That concept alone hooked me, but there was so so so so much more to this book than I expected. For example: Learning in the Author's Note that the premise is largely based on the author's childhood in NYC in the 80s, in addition to the events and fallout of The Preppy Murder in 1986. 
From these two tidbits unravels the story of Nina Jacobs, extremely insecure but also somehow as insightful as she is unsure. I think she's more self-aware and respectful of herself than she gives herself credit for. This entire novel forces you to live inside the head of a soon-to-be college freshmen desperate for a sense of solid self and identity. Oh, and she just so happens to be navigating all of this in one of the most carefully chaotic cities in the country at the height of its coke craze and several explicit murder cases of sexually violent natures toward young women. No big deal.
As subtly referenced in the title, a large part of this novel explores the heightened use of crack cocaine in New York City among a large part of the night life crowds---this very deliberately includes Nina, friends she made in high school, and new "friends" she makes throughout the summer. It's also quite fitting that Nina has her sights set on a seemingly unattainable boy who, from at least my reader's perspective, I could tell was bad news from a mile away despite his golden boy persona. But of course, Nina is set; Gardner will be the one to take her virginity. Without saying too much about the series of events that transpire between Nina and Gardner (as well as Gardner's slow descent into really bad decisions), I think it's a miracle Nina makes it out of the city to college in Tennessee. In comparison, her friend Stephanie doesn't make it out, both rhetorically and literally. The commentary on violence against women (both verbally and physically) crops up time and time again throughout this story, and Nina's attempts to make sense of how the world allows such things as well as how people she knows and her city experience them made me emotional. So many scenes had me wanting to scream at Nina to run. It felt a lot like the events of Marty Supreme that just keep escalating and rolling downhill towards inevitable disaster.
As if all of these themes and events weren't already packed enough, this novel also explores being Jewish in the 1980s NYC and Nina's mother's slow descent into general madness. Despite being Jewish, Nina more often observes other people commenting on Jewish people in negative ways via microaggressions. She's uncomfortable, but just doesn't know how to address that discomfort or speak up until the end of the novel. Nina is also compared several times to her mother, once very explicitly by her father: "You look more and more like Mom." Is this a compliment, or concerning, given the amount of times Francis, Nina's mother, has very high highs and very low lows? I think the novel's ending scene with Francis and Nina's conversation suggests it's complimentary in a slightly twisted and sad way, given the cards Nina's family has been dealt concerning extreme mental health conditions. Healing appears to be possible, but the road to it is long.
If this review hasn't spelled it out clearly, this book deals with some pretty heavy stuff. But I recommend it for those intrigued by the premise and up for grappling with aforementioned heavy stuff. 

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